I released my first game, Super Cloud Runner, and it’s not doing well

It flopped.  I’ve made less than $2.00 as of 17 May 2016.

But I’m okay.  I don’t need sympathy, I don’t need condolences.

See, one of my old high school teachers, who taught me the physics I used in the game, recently asked me to come back to my old high school and talk about my time at the academy, in the military, and making games.

As I pondered what to talk about, the recurring thoughts of my failures came up.

A Brief list of Failures

I’ve failed so many times before and kept going.

  • I failed my first diagnostic Army Physical Physical Test at the academy, and eventually passed before the end of Beast.
  • I failed English at the Academy as a freshman, and had to go to summer school.
  • I developed bad motion sickness while a cadet, and my dreams of becoming an aviator and eventual astronaut died.
  • I almost didn’t graduate on time with my class (found out at the last second that my teacher would pass me after rewriting my final Military History essay 3 times).
  • Overall my Army career burned me out, and I started to resent ever dreaming of having a successful Army career.

Good Things

But through all this, I kept going.  I felt tremendous doubt, regret, bitterness, and despair, multiple times going through each of these major trials, (and some minor ones I didn’t list) but I didn’t let go of my faith, and persevered through it.

Eventually, that struggle with the Army Physical Fitness Test and years of training and preparation prepared me to go through and pass straight through the United States Army Ranger Course.

The motion sickness caused me to chose Infantry as my branch over Aviation, and although my career didn’t work out the way I wanted to I wouldn’t change the life lessons, and the struggles I endured for anything.

We’ll get through this

So, I’ll get through this setback in making games.

It doesn’t feel great to fail, to go back to being a beginner at something, especially in my early 30s, but that’s where I am, and I’m going to keep going.

The feelings of despair, doubt, regret, and bitterness don’t really go away the more trials I endure.

I just learn more and more that God will get me through it (even though I often don’t feel like trusting him).